Open Letter To Mike Young from ELITETRACK

Dear Mike,
In reference to Carl Valle, What The Fuck Is Wrong With YOU?!!!

Why would you have this asshole writing for your site? You seem like an intelligent guy. Did someone throw a shot put on your head?

Have a great day.

Carl Valle is At It Again

Carl is back and better than ever. I guess his IT schedule has slowed down and he can go back to negative posting about strength coaches.

In commenting about another trainer's article, Carl wrote:
"While I have not read his article, it is likely to be prone exercises like bridges or the typical swiss or medball slaps kneeling or standing."

Let me play that back again for you:
"While I have not read his article..."

He is commenting on an article he has not read! You have to love this prick.

If he walked into Yankee Stadium, the fans would start chanting "Asshole, Asshole"

He goes on to mention Gray Cook:
"Just like the chops and lifts from Cook proven to only be good for chopping and lifting low loads, core strength is not developed through these means."

Gray never says it is for development of core strength you fucking moron, read his shit before you comment.

He held out for a few months but he is back with his bullshit. Bring it on Carl, I'm watching you, fucker.

Carl Entertains Himself with Grandiose Phrases

From Carl's latest blog:
"Since my blog titles annoys my biggest fan I will continue to post more grandiose phrases to entertain myself."

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Carl's latest Grandiose Phrase from his latest blog title:

"Deceive, Inveigle, Obfuscate"

This guy is awesome and I'm his "biggest fan."

Hey Everybody! Carl's Baaaaaaaaaack!

You heard right, Carl's back!

According to our poll, most of you thought he might be holed up on a romantic getaway with Vern. Although no one voted for Carl being in a A Blog Anger Management Facility, it seems like he might have been because he has been so cheery and loving in his last few posts. He even gave some props to that no-good-site-banning Boyle.

Anyway, here are the results to our question-

Carl Hasn't Posted Since Dec. 29th. Where is he?

Dos killed him and buried him with Jimmy Hoffa in Giants Stadium- 16%

Tied up in the back of Cosgroves trunk- 33%

Holed up with Vern on a romantic weekend- 50%

A Blog Anger Management Facility- 0%

Where the Heck is Carl?

Carl has not written a blog post since Dec. 29!!! What's going on? Do you know where he is? Did he go on vacation? Is he in hiding?

Take the poll up on the right and tell us where you think Carl is.

The Results Are In! Who Does Carl Hate the Most?

We only had 11 voters this time and it was pretty close. Boyle and Cressey got 3 votes each, but Carl took it with 5 votes. So most people think Carl hates himself more than the coaches he rips on in almost every blog post. Very surprised that Dos did not receive any votes.

Terms of Service

These are the "Terms of Service" I agreed to when I signed up at Elitetrack.com, the home of Carl's blog:

"All messages posted at this site express the views of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the views of the owners and administrators of this site. By registering at this site you agree not to post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, or that violate any laws. We will permanently ban all users who do so. We reserve the right to remove, edit, or move any messages for any reason."

Let's re-read part of it:
By registering at this site you agree not to post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, or that violate any laws. We will permanently ban all users who do so.

From Websters:

hate·ful

Pronunciation:

\ˈhāt-fəl\

Function:

adjective

Date:

14th century

1 : full of hate: see Carl's blog


I wonder if they will "ban" Carl?

My Favorite Blog Titles from Carl

In no particular order:

-The Metrics of the Mojito Missle
-Dartfish, Kinovea, Parametrix, and the clarity of mathematics
-The Secrets of Sun Dagger
-The Trunk, Gyroscopic action, more spinal engine
-Gran Simulacro
-Murder at Golgotha
-Shaping, Piecing, and more on Self-Organization
-Dangerous Deforming Dorsiflexion Directions


Is it obvious that this guy is a track/strength&conditioning expert or what?

Seriously, what the fuck is he talking about?

Boyle Must Be an Idiot

Coach Boyle Loves the Sled
Carl says:
"Don't be fooled by gurus that think that loading up a sled and pushing it is going to be the most effective way of using the tool as their own youtube clips prove they don't understand speed."

Activation is an important part of Coach Boyle's training sessions
Carl says:
"I suggest those that are busy activating muscles look to your own programs and see if you are deactivating your own body."


Coach Boyle Loves the Single Leg Deadlift
Carl says:
"SLD are perhaps the most overrated exercises that continue to annoy me as kinetics and kinematics are clear."


Coach Boyle Uses the Functional Movement Screen with All of his clients.
Carl says:
"The functional movement screen teaches screens and not practical anatomy, observation skills, and critical thinking."


Coach Boyle uses the Joint by Joint Approach to Training (he even has a DVD about it)
Carl says:
"Mike and Gray were smoking marijuana with Keiser made hookahs when they talked about joint mobility and stability."

Half of Nuttin

"I do know without Vern Gambetta I would not be half the coach I am today" Carl from "Guru Hunting

What's half of nothing?

The Results Are In!

Thanks to everyone who participated (33 people!) in the poll "Have You Ever Seen Carl Train?"

The Results:
Yes- 9%
No- 63%
I Saw Carl Watch A Track Meet Once- 27%

An overwhelming 3 people said they have seen Carl train! That's 3 more than I thought.

I am hoping to get some of his clients on here to talk about their experiences with Carl but it's like they are in the witness protection program, very hard to find. We will keep searching though.

The Devil's Advocate Approach

This is from "Criticizing the Critics"

"My intentions are not to just pick on what is wrong but share why they are wrong. I am not here to just to share what is wrong but why it is wrong. Why is it wrong can be reversed many times to do what is right or better. I take the devil's advocate approach because I have found that the majority is usually wrong because most people are followers."

Think Carl likes the word wrong? He used it 6 times in 4 sentences.

Can't we all just get a wrong?

Streak Ends at 7

Carl's streak of blog posts specifically ripping on other coaches ended the other day. In Number 7, he chose Gray Cook as his target from a youtube video about power. The post was called "Real Power" if you would like to be enlightened.

Congrats to Carl on this wonderful feat. He was trying to break Vern Gambetta's record of 9. He put a lot of work and hate into those posts, we only hope he he can keep the venom going.

Six In a Row

As a Master S&C critic (USTF) and cryptic blog writer, Carl has a streak of SIX blog posts in a row where he rips on another trainer, most notably, his new "most hated" guru, Coach Dos.

Should Coach Dos be honored that the Great and Powerful Carl has shifted his focus from Boyle, (although Boyle keeps popping up)?

Did Dos beat Carl up in high school?

Did he kick Carl off of his forum too?

Was "Men's Health Power Training" Carl's original idea and Dos stole it from him?

Why does Carl hate Dos? According to him, he doesn't:
"I have nothing personally against this coach as I think he seems like a passionate person, but the evidence shared on his own youtube account makes me rethink his expertise (marketed and promoted)."

Could have fooled me (and did).

Anyone?...Anyone?

Ferris Bueller Revised

In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone?... the Great Depression, passed the... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered?... raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know who Carl Trains? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone seen Carl Train? What about The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Carl is quick to rip on everyone but do we know who he trains? Anyone? Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics. What else did they call it? Something a-r-l Method. The Carl Method.
Anyone? Anyone?

The Many Faces of Carl

Master Analogist (is that a word?)
"Like the Bonsai Masters manipulating the light, pruning, wiring, and watering to change the structure of the tree, the olympic lifts are often tools for coaches to change body alignment and mobility if done right" from "More thoughts on olympic style weightlifting"

Internet Tough Guy
"I am not an expert on tire flips but when I see poor technique I will call out any guru no matter who it is." from "Tired of Tires"

Mentor
"Instead of writing books and producing crappy DVDs make sure your athletes are not YouTube boobs." from "Tired of Tires"

Name Dropper
"During a personal discussion with Vern Gambetta..." from "Closed Systems, Tangled Hierarchies, Killer Bees"

"This morning I took the drive to Harvard Square to have coffee with Vern Gambetta." from Guru Hunting

Chef
"I know this because I have spent good money improving my own abilities in the culinary arts with the best in private and in small classes." from "Chef Alejo"

Confusing
"My hope is that we will see the adaptation alloys with an understanding on how to exploit the merging of training. " from "Closed Systems, Tangled Hierarchies, Killer Bees"

Obsessed
"My stance is closer to Vern's as Mike's responses were not very convincing".- from Fictional Smoke Screen

"* I do not condone the use of marijuana, hence why I stay away from the joke some in the industry made about Mike and Gray were smoking marijuana with Keiser made hookahs when they talked about joint mobility and stability." from Hard Boyle and Over Cooked?

"Indirect adaptations can be great additions but like the lift photo (1) above they can undue what we are trying to achieve. When athletes look like human question marks when front squatting, I shake my head as you are just like shooting yourself in the foot" Video from Michael Boyle. (2006). Women's Olympic Lifting - Clean [Video: cropped still clips]

"The still shots of the video are prime examples of why glutes need activation outside conventional training." Video from- Michael Boyle. (2006). Women's Olympic Lifting - Clean [Video: cropped still clips]

"Here are my problems with Mike Boyle's warm-up." from Principles of Preparation